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Encountering refusal, notably when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I started pitching articles five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and numerous essays. Over the past two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 each year. In total, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

But, is this a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. As, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: Now, nearly every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor rejected 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 editors declined my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a book pitch. One editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

The Phases of Setback

In my 20s, each denial stung. I felt attacked. It was not just my work was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would editors be overlook my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly it’s the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went over many years.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in fine fellowship. Stories of creators whose work was initially turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. Many Presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and bid to appear were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of setback. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have just published a comparable article, or have one in the pipeline, or simply be considering something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor thinks I am not qualified or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the content I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and read my work too fast to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Anything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, particularly semicolons, was offensive.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, the next, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have featured in newspapers large and small, in diverse outlets. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to that publication for five decades.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take no at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Rejection

Rejection can be instructive, but when you listen to what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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