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Identity: Horse chestnuts.

History: Brought into the UK over four centuries back.

Look: The outdoor world's Labubu.

That can't be accurate. It is. Check out a TikTok video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll probably hear them refer to it as “the earth's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you really are not up to date, aren’t you? Young people are using social platforms to record videos unpeeling conkers from their prickly shells.

What's the reason? Due to the feeling of amazement! When you unbox a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell the younger crowd that they are doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

Thread a lace through the center, and try to break others' nuts. Is that true? That’s unusual.

Yeah. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Truly. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can hurl them across the playground and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A beautiful, natural thing like a conker, and you use it as a weapon? A weapon that comes with a long set of arcane and bewildering rules?

It’s traditional! King Charles literally just presented the global conker competition with three hundred horse chestnuts! At least young people are just recording videos.

How are you unaware of this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game two decades ago, due to concerns over well-being.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other hot new gen Z trends.

Oh really? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called knitting, and something else called pottery that I can explain to you.

Those hobbies are ancient! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to jab one another?

Certainly not! OK, calm down. I thought all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that horse chestnut game.

This is overwhelming. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Appropriate comment: “TikTok can’t stop filming conker reveals.”

Don’t say: “That's crazy.”